For the longest time ever in my 21++ years...i have always believe everything and anything is all about me. I went through many phrases in life. As i recall my primary school times..i was this teacher's pet..who volunteered to carry books for them, lick their boots and so on. And of course i was my classmates worse night mare. Then things took a 180 degree turn in primary three, because of my family problems, i became so pissed with them that i did not do my homework..just to rebel them. And i realized i was no longer miss popular. I did everything i could to gain attention.
Every single week, my parents had to see the teacher for i was loud,noisy and always irritating my classmates. I started lying and telling people how rich i was(when i am not) or making myself sound so glamorous to seek some tlc. It went on for years until i did my PSLE. I flunked and did so badly. "Aiya..Whatever..i don't care!"I thought to myself.
I went to secondary school and by then, boys came to the picture. As the saying goes..once a IJ girl,always a IJ girl. And i was considered a really innocent and blur convent girl, so to me..when everyone started talking and gossiping about boys. I was of course curious. Remembering then, we all used to have pagers. Wahhaa...then there were those secret love numbers to type or something.
Anyway i was never the IT babe..so i was never the hip girl:). Family situation got alittle better, but in school i was of course a nobody. For its always the pretty,smart,sporty who gets all the fame. Out of sudden, one day my dad had the longest chat with me. He said, "i always see you doodling and drawing girls on all the papers you can find at home, are you interested in fashion?" I never knew drawing can be a career so i happily said yes.
My parents were really cool, they enrolled me in a fashion design course n many more. My interest grew and it brought a new found confidence in me. Something i can sink my hearts and mind to create. I began to envision for a future in fashion. I started dressing weirdly(but to me it was super cutting edge!!:) I was now the weirdo in the eyes of everyone.
But i believed in myself and try to act tough when i am actually not. For there are many wounds in my heart which were temporarily covered.I began to really work very hard in my studies and of course my art. I did well for my o levels and i got into a design competition at the same time too.
Having my own fashion show in raffles city was a complete mind blowing experience. I even staged a school fashion show for the teachers. Suddenly, more people came to know of me. But something was still lacking. I proceeded to art college and although i was passionate about fashion and still am, i was feeling empty.
During this period, i did so many things. I was living in a world of just me,myself and I. I was desperate, wanting,weird,demanding,argumentative,snobbish,proud,unfriendly,prideful...and alot more. Friends drifted away from me, many broken relationship began. Ah, why why why.
I kept on asking myself..what went wrong. Why am i such a creature?such an unloving person. why?Questions and more self destructive words continued to hit me to ground zero. Once, i sank into depression, thinking the world finds me a pest, a nuisance. I started to drink every single day. I filled my every meal with alcohol. I remained this way inside..yet on the outside, i acted as though my life was as pretty as a rainbow.
Till oneday, i fell really sick and i realized that i was damaging myself and i realized i was sabotaging my own rest. The following extract is taken from stormie omartian- finding peace for your heart.
Why do we have so much trouble being able to rest?Why do we feel unwanted, anxious, disappointed, anger all day. Why do we resort to tranquilizers,sleeping pills, alcohol, drugs, television or anything else to numb our minds and stop our thought processes? The bible illustrates rest being disturbed by sin, rebellion and anxiety.
1. Sin. Sin separates us from all God has for us, including His rest.
2. Rebellion. We are rebellious if we refuse to fast when God calls us to fast, if we refuse to give when God tells us to give, if we refuse to exercise when God speaks to us about the care of our bodies, if we refuse to forgive others, and if we keep going when He tells it is time to rest. We are stubborn people.When our hearts turn from what we know of living the way God intended us to live, we lose our place of rest.
3. Anxiety. How many times have we felt that way? We are pressed in on all sides by anguish, trouble, pain,worry,fear and horror, and we feel that the only way to find rest is to escape. But God commands us to pray and deliberately take time to rest in Him.
If God Himself observed a day of rest, how can we survive without it?
"Dear Lord, I pray for the gift of rest upon my soul as i go through my life at work,with my family, with my friends and with you. Cover me with a blanket of love and comfort as My soul finds rest in GOD alone."Psalm 62:1
Every single week, my parents had to see the teacher for i was loud,noisy and always irritating my classmates. I started lying and telling people how rich i was(when i am not) or making myself sound so glamorous to seek some tlc. It went on for years until i did my PSLE. I flunked and did so badly. "Aiya..Whatever..i don't care!"I thought to myself.
I went to secondary school and by then, boys came to the picture. As the saying goes..once a IJ girl,always a IJ girl. And i was considered a really innocent and blur convent girl, so to me..when everyone started talking and gossiping about boys. I was of course curious. Remembering then, we all used to have pagers. Wahhaa...then there were those secret love numbers to type or something.
Anyway i was never the IT babe..so i was never the hip girl:). Family situation got alittle better, but in school i was of course a nobody. For its always the pretty,smart,sporty who gets all the fame. Out of sudden, one day my dad had the longest chat with me. He said, "i always see you doodling and drawing girls on all the papers you can find at home, are you interested in fashion?" I never knew drawing can be a career so i happily said yes.
My parents were really cool, they enrolled me in a fashion design course n many more. My interest grew and it brought a new found confidence in me. Something i can sink my hearts and mind to create. I began to envision for a future in fashion. I started dressing weirdly(but to me it was super cutting edge!!:) I was now the weirdo in the eyes of everyone.
But i believed in myself and try to act tough when i am actually not. For there are many wounds in my heart which were temporarily covered.I began to really work very hard in my studies and of course my art. I did well for my o levels and i got into a design competition at the same time too.
Having my own fashion show in raffles city was a complete mind blowing experience. I even staged a school fashion show for the teachers. Suddenly, more people came to know of me. But something was still lacking. I proceeded to art college and although i was passionate about fashion and still am, i was feeling empty.
During this period, i did so many things. I was living in a world of just me,myself and I. I was desperate, wanting,weird,demanding,argumentative,snobbish,proud,unfriendly,prideful...and alot more. Friends drifted away from me, many broken relationship began. Ah, why why why.
I kept on asking myself..what went wrong. Why am i such a creature?such an unloving person. why?Questions and more self destructive words continued to hit me to ground zero. Once, i sank into depression, thinking the world finds me a pest, a nuisance. I started to drink every single day. I filled my every meal with alcohol. I remained this way inside..yet on the outside, i acted as though my life was as pretty as a rainbow.
Till oneday, i fell really sick and i realized that i was damaging myself and i realized i was sabotaging my own rest. The following extract is taken from stormie omartian- finding peace for your heart.
Why do we have so much trouble being able to rest?Why do we feel unwanted, anxious, disappointed, anger all day. Why do we resort to tranquilizers,sleeping pills, alcohol, drugs, television or anything else to numb our minds and stop our thought processes? The bible illustrates rest being disturbed by sin, rebellion and anxiety.
1. Sin. Sin separates us from all God has for us, including His rest.
2. Rebellion. We are rebellious if we refuse to fast when God calls us to fast, if we refuse to give when God tells us to give, if we refuse to exercise when God speaks to us about the care of our bodies, if we refuse to forgive others, and if we keep going when He tells it is time to rest. We are stubborn people.When our hearts turn from what we know of living the way God intended us to live, we lose our place of rest.
3. Anxiety. How many times have we felt that way? We are pressed in on all sides by anguish, trouble, pain,worry,fear and horror, and we feel that the only way to find rest is to escape. But God commands us to pray and deliberately take time to rest in Him.
If God Himself observed a day of rest, how can we survive without it?
"Dear Lord, I pray for the gift of rest upon my soul as i go through my life at work,with my family, with my friends and with you. Cover me with a blanket of love and comfort as My soul finds rest in GOD alone."Psalm 62:1
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