Till today, i have to admit, i still think of my ex boyfriend. The times we had together, the sweet and sour moments.As i recall these memories,sometimes it drains me and makes me feel so lonely, sometimes it makes me realized how we do not suit each other. But the bottom line is, it is over.really over.
As i read a few books on christian love,putting God in the centre of relationships,and many online articles on love. All these gave me deeper insights to this sacrificial love,the man/woman God has in planned for us,singles.
In the past,dating to me was like trying out new clothes.If i think its attractive and its at a good bargain, i will grab it before someone else sees it. And because i did not try it,the fit is of course not perfect and i end up throwing it away.In the same way, I gave my heart and affection to someone because i wanted to be loved, i wanted to be pampered and regarded important.
But what i was doing was pursuing intimacy for the sake of intimacy-two people getting close to each other without any real intention of making a long-term commitment. I even defended myself saying,"aiya..must try mah..you never know he might be the one,until i find the one then i stop dating lo." The truth is deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. Its like climbing a mountain with someone who is not sure if he wants the responsibility to hold your rope.
As a result,i fall from the mountains so hurt and torn because i open myself up emotionally and physically only to be abandoned by someone who claims he is not ready for commitment.
Proverbs 3:3 says,"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;bind them around your neck,write them on the tablet of your heart."God wants love and faithfulness to be connected.In His plan, the personal benefits of an intimate relationship-emotional or sexual are always closely linked to self-sacrificial love and commitment to another person's long-term good.
Intimacy without commitment contradicts what the Bible teaches about pure love.Instead of being selfless, its selfish;instead of being patient,its impatient;instead of looking out for the ongoing good of the other person,it's focused on the needs of the moment.
Gosh,it took me a few reads and nights of reflection to realize that no strings attached relationship is just my own selfish act of getting love my way.And now i know why i still find my life so empty even when i was supposed to have my love one around.
And it brought me to another thought.Many times,we wished for intimacy without obligation.We wished for sex with no strings attached.We wished for the pleasure of love with none of the work, none of the vows, none of the sacrifice.And I for one admit that i got it.
In the end,the results made me felt emptier than before. The intimacy is superficial.Where is true joy?It is found in God's brand of love-love founded on faithfulness,love rooted in commitment.
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
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