The library of records

I was greatly inspired and touched by this story of a dream by author Joshua Harris. Its about how Jesus can redeem my past..anyone's past. As christians,we often "know" or "heard" certain things such as "Jesus loves me" and "Christ died for sinners" countless times.But guilt always seemed to get a foothold out of me when it reminds me of my impurity and the times i failed. As i reflected on my past actions and wince with remorse, purity does seemed like a lost cause.

The room

When I found myself in the room.There was a wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.But these files,which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction,had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of flies,the first to catch my attention was one that read," Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards.I quickly shut it,shocked to recognized the names written on each one.

And I knew exactly where i was.This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system of my life.Here were written the actions of my every moment,big and small,in a detail my memory couldn't match. Some records brought joy and sweet memories,others a sense of shame and regret. A file named "friends"was next to one marked "friends i have betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundance to the outright weird: "books i have read," "lies i have told","jokes i have laughed at",Some where almost hilarious in their exactness:"things ive yelled at my brothers."Others i couldnt laugh at: "things i have done in anger","things i have muttered under my breath at my parents."I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life i have lived.Could it be possible that i have the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands,possibly millions,of cards!!!!But each card confirmed this truth.Each was written in my own handwriting.Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked"songs i have listened to,"I realized the files grew to contain their contents.The cards where so packed that i could not find the end of it.Feeling ashamed,not so much by the quality of music but the vast amount of time i knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "lustful thoughts,"I felt a chill running through my body.I pulled the file out only by an inch,not willing to test its size and drew out the card.I shuddered at its detailed contents.I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

Suddenly i felt an almost animal rage."No one must see these cards,I have to destroy them!"But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor,I could not dislodge a single card.I became desperate and pulled out a card,only to find it as strong as steel when i tried to tear it.

Leaning my forehead against the wall,I let out a long,self pitying sigh.And then I saw it.The title bore "people i have shared the gospel with."The handle was brighter than the rest and as i pulled the handle,a small box not more than three inches long fell on my hands.I could count the cards it contained in one hand.

And then the tears came.I began to weep.I fell on my knees and cried.I cried in shame,from the overwhelming shame of it all.The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eye.No one must ever enter this room.I must lock it up and hide the key.

When I pushed away the tears.I saw Him.NO,Please,not Him.Not here.Oh anyone but Jesus

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards.I could not bear to see His response.And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face.I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from acroos the room.He looked at with pity in His eyes.But this was a pity that did not anger me.I dropped my head,covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.He walked over and put His arm around me.He could have said so many things.But He did not say a word.He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.Starting at one end of the room,He took out a file and,one by one,began to sign His name over mine over each card.

"No!"I shouted,rushing to Him.All i could find to say was "No,no,"as i pulled the card from Him.His name should not be on these cards.But there it was,written in red so rich,so dark,so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine.It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back.He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards.He did it so quickly and by the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.He placed His hand on my shouler and said,"It is finished."

I stood up and He led me out of the room.There was no lock on its door.There were still cards to be written.

Wow!When i first read this story,i cried and felt so painful.Gosh after typing this,i am crying again. Although this is a very heart warming story.It is not imaginery. The dream is a picture of what Christ has truly accomplished when He died on the cross.He literally took our guilt on Himself.And this means much more than just having His name on a card.It meant receiving the punishment from God that all those sinful words and actions deserved.

It is only by repenting our sins and putting our faith in Christ that this substitution can take place.We each have a "room"containing all our sinful deeds and thoughts.But just because we admit this or feel bad about it doesnt mean we're forgiven.Remorse cant save anyone.Only faith in Christ can.Only trust in His death and ressurection for us. Amen.