Pain of the Flesh

Praise God!I have just been discharged!Although my infection is still present,but my ongoing fever has subsided and all I need to do now is take plenty of rest and eat my medicine regularly.Now before i go for my dose of beauty sleep,I want to pen down all my thoughts and expriences these past few days..

Ever since last sunday after admission to the ward,my mind was distracted from the warmth all of you who came gave me.Though my fever came on and off,but I was still pretty ok because the drip was still not on yet.That very night around 10plus,a big doc came and said he is going to extract 4 bottles of blood out of me and do the drip.

Honestly,I was freaked out and believed if I didnt look,it wont hurt so bad.Boy,did it hurt sooo bad!And the doc didnt even ask if I was a right or left hander and got me a drip on my right hand!Talk about inconvenience when i need to use the loo!:(Soon I was inserted antibiotics too and I thought ah tonight I will sleep like a pig and wake up tomorrow all bright and cheery!)

No..it was still a nightmare!The whole night my fever raised soo high,i shivered in my crampy hospital bed with weird pillow,unfamiliar surroundings,painful drip and wished I was dead.Seriously!The nurse helped me alot to cool my body down using ice packs,sponging and medicine and finally around 5 am in the morning,i slept but was awaken at 7 by my parents to brush my teeth.

Honestly, by then my mood was super cranky.I felt so miserable,useless,sucidal,dreamy and all ready to stab myself.The doctor didnt helped when they kept muttering under their breath?and so the whole day,the fever went up and down with each wash of a panadol.I complained and asked if the medicine was working!!!And the reply I got was,it takes days for the medicine to take effect!WHAT...i growled like a bear in my heart:(

That very night,I had fever again..so i asked for my medicine and got it soon.But I hoped that sponging could help bring my heaty body down quicker so I asked the nurse.She said,"ok ten mins."I waited one hour and ten mins before she strolled in the trolley of water.Why?Because all these while,she was busy doing her paper work and she did it right in front of my room!

I cry to bed every night wishing to go home and why do i have to go through this.God,am I not worth more than a paper!!!And on the day of my x ray,i cried out loud!!!!!!!!!Remember the drip on my right hand?Apparently,my veins are too small and the fluid cannot flow through anymore so even though they tried to extract the blood clot,it still didnt work.(Ah im tearing as I type this cuz the pain is soooooooooo fresh in my mind!)

And because for the x tray they need to insert the medicine through the drip,they decided to inject another drip on my left hand.SOBSSOBSSOBSSOBS...I cried like a baby!No way..its soo painful already!!But they went on and as I was wheeled to the x ray centre,tears left a watery trail.As the drip was fresh,it was still so painful,and it didnt help when the x ray machine will be inserting it into my drip rather than a human.I cried until I had no breath.

i know it sound so crybabyish,but its really painful and I have fear for needles and blood.AH..talking about blood!What freak me out the most about the drip is that if my hands are not at the right angle,blood will flow out of it.okok...I seriously want to stop here.My hands are turning weak already.But before I end of this post,i want to share something I learnt.

The love I saw in the nurses' eyes and their actions touched me deeply.Honestly,I am in awe of them all.Every single one of them.I will elaborate on it in my next post,feeling alil giddy now.